If I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don’t know

After reading 1001 Rules For my Unborn Son, I started thinking of observations and pieces of advice. At first I thought they would be good for my future offspring, but then I realized they would be good for me as well. So here’s a few I thought of today.

– There’s an adage, “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Well, if that’s true, then the job I want today is obviously “Roadie for Metallica.” (“Speed of Sound Tour. Bunch of assholes.”)

– Never try to pick up a woman who’s hanging out in front of a courthouse. Unless, of course, she’s a lawyer. Then by all means ask her out. However, the first part of the rule stands if she’s your lawyer.

– Upon retiring, one should not make “annoying public officials” their hobby. Gardening and fishing work just fine. (I guess this one makes more sense if you deal with the people I have to deal with on a daily basis.)

– When speaking, get to the point. Unless the point is “let’s see how foolish I can make myself look.” Then you’re doing just fine yammering on and on.

– “Ain’t” is a word – don’t ever trust anyone who will tell you otherwise. However, it’s probably not a good word to use in college applications.

– Listen to the blues. It’s the backbone of rock ‘n’ roll. But don’t ever try to play the blues. You didn’t grow up on a farm in Mississippi during the Great Depression.

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~ by J on May 22, 2009.

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