I want 1,000 guitars, I want pounding drums

While doing my morning duties at the coffee shop, one of the girls that works with us had her Pandora station on. And I kid you not, for the hour I was there it seemed like there was one song that just kept repeating over and over and over.

Let me describe it … a slow tempo (no more than 70 beats per minute), some tinkling piano, acoustic guitars and lyrics such as “Everywhere I go, I go with you” (I threw up in my mouth a little just remembering the whole scenario). I wish I’d looked at the playlist just to see who needs to be told to stop. In any event, after about 20 minutes I wanted some Slayer just as a good change of pace. I’ll say it before and I’ll say it again, “Raining Blood” in the morning is almost as good as a cup of coffee.

I’m starting to think these things are something like aural porn for a section of women my age. Part of me can understand it. These “musicians,” as blatantly fake in their sentimentality as they are, put into words some sort of feeling people have or at least want to have. But seriously, listen to “Helpless” by Neil Young, a song on paper that is not a bit different than anything described above but done far, far better. Hell, half of Neil Young’s catalog is like that. Elvis Costello does the same thing as well. As do Loretta Lynn, Emmylou Harris, David Gray and a myriad of others. (Part of me wants to throw Van Morrison in that list too.) They just do it with … I don’t know if “gusto” is the right word, but it’s close. You can at least tell they mean it.

Not that I totally disrespect all the artist lumped into the “modern adult contemporary women music” genre. I have a passing fascination with Nora Jones, which is influenced in no small part by this –

That’s right … a Wilco cover does it for me. I fell in love with Norah Jones a bit when I saw that for the first time.

I don’t know. I hate to sound like somewhat of a taste Nazi, decreeing that some musicians and their songs don’t muster up to some arbitraty standard. (What am I saying, I love sounding like that. It’s as Nick Hornby once said, prejudices are easier to keep and honestly, they are more fun.) But I can’t honestly believe there’s a market for such half-assed garbage. That’s what it is to me. It’s like some guy is sitting in some big room with a cigar saying, “We need to make more money! Find some piano playing broad who sings dumb love songs. The ladies eat that shit up!”

But, to quote Dennis Miller – that’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.

And just so this doesn’t go out on such a dour note, I leave with these bits o’ goodness.

He even rocks acoustic …

(Here’s the orginal version, since the bastards disabled embedding.)


~ by J on April 28, 2009.

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