Watch the weather change

It’s funny how we can mentally/verbally destroy anything that offends our sensibilities yet have a hard time taking such a cold, visceral approach to anything going on in our own lives.

I’m guilty of that … all the evidence anyone would need is below these words.

But I’m trying to use that approach on myself more and more, and in doing so I’ve slowly come to the realization that the person I am and the person I want to be are two entirely different things – and I’m starting to believe that’s how it will be until the day I die. This is both good and bad. The former in that there’s always something to strive for – a goal, perhaps. The latter in that until that time, I’ll probably be trying my damndest to convince people I’m not just as confused, frustrated, overwhelmed and unprepared for much of my daily existence as anyone else. That’s a losing battle, though – the cracks will always show in the end.

Maybe I could use some good ol’ fashioned self-destruction. Not too much … just something to bloody up the ego. I think it’s time to turn the verbal gun on myself and see what happens. Get the walls a little messy.

A man smarter than myself – a writer and artist – once said his creative process basically entails getting everything he hates about the world and other people onto a piece of paper. Once he’s done, he basically changes “you” (as in “you are an asshole”) to “me/I” (as in “I’m an asshole.”)

“That’s when you can see some pretty interesting things,” he said.


~ by J on July 22, 2008.

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